Andreas, I had a great time reading through your ePortfolio -- especially at the end where you finally pull the academic and athletic sides of your learning story together. Indeed in future drafts I would strongly recommend scrapping the current intro -- which is really more like your Plan for a Future ePortfolio anyhow -- and replacing it with precisely the kind of overview statements you make at the end of the essay about how it all fits together. That way readers won't go into this with the same sense of puzzlement I experienced.
As for layout, I agree with one of your peer reviewers that embedding the YouTube videos directly on Google Pages would be far more user-friendly. This, in turn, would make it much easier for you to add some comments on the mechanics of the dive, the learning process you went through to master the dive, etc., giving a much more exciting and engaging sense of a "running commentary" on your own performance.
As an English teacher I would certainly like to hear much more about how you coped with those injuries, the worst of which you seem to dispense with in one word: "disappointing." Say more? There's also that whole connection you seem to hint at, but don't follow through with clearly, concerning the simultaneous dip in your academic and athletic performance at various times in your career.
That said, on the whole I still feel pleased overall with this draft and hence I'm willing to give you the full 300 points -- although chiefly based on the more extensive self-reflection and synthesis you finally provided at the end of your collection. Coincidentally this gives you just exactly enough points to meet the threshold minimum requirement for an A in this course.
P.S. I have two accidental interests in your topic: first, my nephew -- 11 years old -- is training as seriously as you once dd in gymnastics, so reading through your eportfolio was a bit like talking to his "future self" some years later. Second, his mom has "assigned" me to read the book "The Peaceful Warrior" which, as you probably know already, features a Berkeley gymnast as a main character.
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Andreas,
I had a great time reading through your ePortfolio -- especially at the end where you finally pull the academic and athletic sides of your learning story together. Indeed in future drafts I would strongly recommend scrapping the current intro -- which is really more like your Plan for a Future ePortfolio anyhow -- and replacing it with precisely the kind of overview statements you make at the end of the essay about how it all fits together. That way readers won't go into this with the same sense of puzzlement I experienced.
As for layout, I agree with one of your peer reviewers that embedding the YouTube videos directly on Google Pages would be far more user-friendly. This, in turn, would make it much easier for you to add some comments on the mechanics of the dive, the learning process you went through to master the dive, etc., giving a much more exciting and engaging sense of a "running commentary" on your own performance.
As an English teacher I would certainly like to hear much more about how you coped with those injuries, the worst of which you seem to dispense with in one word: "disappointing." Say more? There's also that whole connection you seem to hint at, but don't follow through with clearly, concerning the simultaneous dip in your academic and athletic performance at various times in your career.
That said, on the whole I still feel pleased overall with this draft and hence I'm willing to give you the full 300 points -- although chiefly based on the more extensive self-reflection and synthesis you finally provided at the end of your collection. Coincidentally this gives you just exactly enough points to meet the threshold minimum requirement for an A in this course.
P.S. I have two accidental interests in your topic: first, my nephew -- 11 years old -- is training as seriously as you once dd in gymnastics, so reading through your eportfolio was a bit like talking to his "future self" some years later. Second, his mom has "assigned" me to read the book "The Peaceful Warrior" which, as you probably know already, features a Berkeley gymnast as a main character.
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